Rule the Mind.Com

Set your own agenda for living

How to be self-confident

Lack of self-confidence is not caused by external events or factors. We cannot blame the world for our lack in confidence. Confidence in our self is a state of mind that comes from within. Even when we are feeling down, which we all do at times, we can still have confidence in ourselves which is a great comfort. Self-confidence is a core part of our being which we can control to make our world better.

Lack of self-confidence can cause all sorts of problems; it stops us applying for a better job; it stops us from asking someone we like out on a date; it stops us from studying for exams to improve our job prospects; it stops us from achieving what we want to achieve in life. When I say ‘it stops us’ I really mean we stop ourselves.

What causes us to lack in self-confidence? It is focussing on the negative rather than having a neutral or optimistic view of ourselves and events, convincing ourselves that we are not going to succeed even before we’ve started thus resulting in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Lacking in self-confidence makes us feel negative about ourselves and insecure and therefore more likely not to succeed, whereas by having confidence we feel good about ourselves and more likely to succeed.

I am not suggesting we all become arrogant and consumed by an unwarranted self-belief that we can succeed at anything. Not succeeding is always a possibility that must be considered but it is how it is considered that is all important. It is getting the right balance so that all aspects of a situation are weighed up without giving emphasis to anything in particular, good or bad, in that way we can enjoy the moment, the experience, without the pressure of impending doom. Focussing too much on success has the same effect as focusing too much on not succeeding. It is all about having a balanced, level headed view.

And if we don’t succeed, so what, it doesn’t matter, we’ve learnt from the experience because we were focussed on it and we just try again, better and stronger. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, true friends will applaud the effort, and the rest don’t matter. We feel good because our balanced view allowed ourselves to give our best. Not succeeding is never that dramatic unless we make it so and the more we try at something the more we are likely to succeed.

You may have noticed I have not called lack of success, ‘failure’. ‘Failure’ is too harsh, too final. There is no such state as ‘failure’ just missed opportunities which make us more determined to succeed next time.